I should probably apologize for being such a slacker. To say that my mind has been somewhere else for the past two weeks would definitely be an understatement. I'm still not sure what's going on in at least one particular area of my life.. but I trust that I'll be back on the right track in no time.

Rather than try to explain exactly what's going on, I'll just say this. The human mind is a really complex and sometimes idiotic thing. or maybe it's the heart I'm thinking of.. why is it that someone (me) can give everything, expecting nothing, and be absolutely crushed by someone else (him) who claims to care. I can tolerate a lot. I've learned to choose my battles very wisely. One thing I can't understand, though, is compulsive lying. I know that people sometimes lie to get ahead, or to try to save the feelings of others, but when someone KNOWS that they're lying, and don't think twice about doing so, that hurts. And I'm tired of hurting.

Ha, I said I wouldn't explain what was going on.. and look at me. I can't shut up. ok, one last example! A few days ago one of my friends asked me if I wanted to go dancing with her. I needed to get my mind off of everything so I agreed. Well when the time came, she wasn't feeling well, and I wasn't interested anymore, so she told the guys that were supposed to come with us to just come over. At one point we were all sitting outside, and I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car that belonged to one of the guys that came over, and the one that's causing me all this unneccesary stress came outside too. He saw me in the car and flipped out. He's actually still talking about it.. yet it's perfectly fine for him to go off to parties whenever he wants. Minutes ago he told me that my friend told him I deserve to be treated better than he treats me, and he got mad at that, and told me to go with that guy. Well guess where he is now? Picking up some other girl.. funny how that works out huh?

I really hate double standards.