Troubled (short story)

you think it's silence but it's not...
the everlasting sirens in my head made me forget how calmness feels. Wandering among the sleeping faces on the sides of the road with a rising envy for their easy drift. You think you are unique but the remote sounds of the screamers remind you you are not alone. You consider escaping in another fantasy but then you remember...no fantasy harbors you long enough. Hiding in the shadows so no one would miss you you spent your life and you thought indifference was just a disguise till one day you couldn't rip it off your skin.‏ Started looking for a reason to get angry of but in vain as sanity within you recontrols. you have an explanation for every question you have inside but funny none of them makes your worries rest in peace. Still Walking through dark streets in moonless nights looking for answers. may be at the end it's Lack of faith?. Faith needs purity and nothing in you kept its primitivity?. you look at the watch,time passes so slow now. What's wrong?!...why you feel so cold inside?!. May be i'm dead, a stuck soul lost between the two worlds but I check my pulse my heart is still beating I'm not dead...ah my poor heart you got broken so many times but you had your share in the massacre too. May be you are the reason i'm feeling so cold inside..could be just loneliness that bothers you my dear?! Or the untold questions you have and fear their answers?!
My legs spontaneously led me to the same spot over the old bridge. Oh God That noise in my head refuses to stop. I grab my little sketch and my little pencil and again I let myself draw these drawings that every time scare me to death when I see them next morning. But for that one I've drawn like hundred times before with the exact same details; the wide beautiful eyes, the fine lips and nose and the dark black hair. you feel so much connected to her but you can't recall who is she !. The sirens sounds rise more and more and the screams became intolerable. My head will explode I wish they just stop now. You look to the calm surface of the water you think it must be quiet deep there
and strangly you can now understand what the screamers shout. Yes the answers are there. They must be there. Just there where this noise will stop forever. Yes I will mates..I'll join you..I'll just..jump.